Hi all,
if you didn't know this already, I've got a new blog at http://myowt.blogspot.com.
It has been quite a while since i moved over actually. The move is in line with the setting up of my online shop, MYOWT.com.
You'll still find me talking there. Just that you get updates on my shop too! =D
I guess we all need to move on. This blog is filled with memories of the past two years..and I guess I need to start afresh as well. Don't we all feel like this sometimes?
So do drop by and say hi =) 'd love to hear from you =)
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Void. Church.
I know I haven't posted for a long while, and it feels weird to be sharing my thoughts on this platform again. I don't know if anyone still visits my blog after such a long stagnancy.
It's Easter Sunday and I'm at home feeling upset and lonely and missing God all by myself. It's been a while since I last went for service; I'm beginning to miss it really badly.
I guess we all need some spiritual feeding. I've been depriving myself of that communal partaking of spiritual food for months, and just as I thought I will be all right in enduring the hunger pangs my body collapses in weakness and weariness.
Sometimes we can't cope alone.
There's only so much we can get out of the bible ourselves. There will be times when we need devotional materials to give us different insights. There will be times when we need pastors to teach us right from wrong. There will be times when we need worship songs to remind us of the greatness of God. There will also be times when we need a Christian sibling by our side to cheer us on down the long and tedious journey of life.
And I have been too prideful of my own ability to maintain a relationship with God. If you ask me, honestly, there is little of relationship to speak of for the past few months. I have drifted, like a floatsam, far far away from the shore where I should rest on.
I wish I have been more motivated to go to church. Maybe I need a change of environment. Youth service is not getting me anywhere.
I want to learn how to pray. I realised that the way I pray was not effective in communicating with God at all. For some reason I just can't focus on God and all that He has to say.
It's Easter Sunday and I'm at home feeling upset and lonely and missing God all by myself. It's been a while since I last went for service; I'm beginning to miss it really badly.
I guess we all need some spiritual feeding. I've been depriving myself of that communal partaking of spiritual food for months, and just as I thought I will be all right in enduring the hunger pangs my body collapses in weakness and weariness.
Sometimes we can't cope alone.
There's only so much we can get out of the bible ourselves. There will be times when we need devotional materials to give us different insights. There will be times when we need pastors to teach us right from wrong. There will be times when we need worship songs to remind us of the greatness of God. There will also be times when we need a Christian sibling by our side to cheer us on down the long and tedious journey of life.
And I have been too prideful of my own ability to maintain a relationship with God. If you ask me, honestly, there is little of relationship to speak of for the past few months. I have drifted, like a floatsam, far far away from the shore where I should rest on.
I wish I have been more motivated to go to church. Maybe I need a change of environment. Youth service is not getting me anywhere.
I want to learn how to pray. I realised that the way I pray was not effective in communicating with God at all. For some reason I just can't focus on God and all that He has to say.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
finally. broadband!
yeah!!! i'm ultra happy now. after some frustrating moments i've finally connected my laptop to my mum's broadband!!!! yipeeee~~~ i hate using her com coz it's slower and i have to sit in the middle of nowhere and yank my neck upwards in an uncomfortable position. feels so much better using my dear laptop.
will tell you more abt my trip in taiwan so far later...
as for those who have been asking me for prom pictures, be patient...coz i'm having lunch now. haha..
will tell you more abt my trip in taiwan so far later...
as for those who have been asking me for prom pictures, be patient...coz i'm having lunch now. haha..
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Post prom reflections...
Prom is finally over.
And so marked the grand finale of our 2 years in JC.
I still can't believe I spent weeks in preparation just for 3 hours of glamour.
While every one flocked to Daniel Yam and Zara, I decided I’m sick of gowns and dresses and identical hairstyles stamped with Supercuts and Next trademarks, and i am not spending hundred over on a piece of garment that I'll only wear for once. that decision is the start of my agonizing shopping journey. I have to admit that shopping would be a lot less excruciating if I had not been a perfectionist by nature.
I got my white top totally by chance. ying yi was showing me her online shop and I so happened to see it. Back then I had no real intention to wear it for prom yet. I decided to stick with it later to save the hassle. Shoe shopping was the most pain-free as it was done in the comfort of home in front of the computer.
The search for my white pants and white hat almost killed me. I never knew it was so hard to find a pair of fitting white pants. I must have walked the whole raffles city/ city link/ suntec/ wisma/ takashimaya/ paragon/ dhoby gaut to look for it. I even walked into This Fashion in desperation. This one has pockets in front, that has bronze buttons that do not suit the style, this one makes me look fat, that one is the wrong material....grr. Ok I’m just picky. It was extremely depressing at first when I thought none of the white pants look good on me coz it would mean I had wasted my time looking for the wrong stuff and should have better spent my time looking for a dress. I wasn't relieved when I finally found what I was looking for, but it did settle my mind more because I effectively eliminated the option of wearing a gown. When you have far too many choices, you tend to lose your way.
But the search for pants is NOTHING compared to my hunt for hats. I wanted to wear a white French-styled cap (I don't know what it's called), coz it's a much more casual style and I want to be able to wear it out in the future. Trust me, there is NOWHERE in Singapore where they sell white leather French caps. So I had to look for alternatives. I went to every possible shop that sells caps and hats...nothing goes. And one day while walking dejected from shopping in cineleisure I saw this girl wearing a cap in close resemblance to what I was looking for (by then I had given up on the leather idea and would settle for any French cap that is not furry) and I actually stopped her and asked her where she got her cap. (I was that desperate)
"Adorn, a-d-o-r-n, in heerens." she gave me this cool, nonchalant look.
The truth is that I had looked through Adorn the day before without seeing the cap. But just to check, I went back there..And indeed they were out of stock. I bought something that looks like a tone-down version of a cowboy hat in the end, but it suits well too....just that it has low reuse value. Oh well.
I really like the clutch I bought. Whee. I have a feeling kaimin would tell me it's too big and not as elegant as he hopes, but I’m thankful for the big clutch coz in the last minute rush it allowed me to stuff everything inside.
The search for a suitable golden belt is ridiculous, and it even extended to Bugis street. I decided that I had overspent and wanted to make a simple sash belt, but when I went to Spotlight the exact gold cloth I was looking for went out of stock. I remember being cold, sick and upset walking out of Plaza Sing the Nth time, and walking through Little India to yet another fruitless search. None of the cloth I saw was shiny enough. My shins are well toned by then, coz I’ll come home with an aching body almost every day.
After that disappointing search for gold cloth, I fell sick for 2-3 days. And hooray, shed more weight just in time for prom. =___="
Just one day before prom I decided to try my luck at Chinatown on Clarissa's guidance. I spent the first 30 minutes walking in circles in People's Park Complex, seeing nothing that looked gold and is a cloth. I had almost settled for a normal gold belt when Clare pointed out that there is another non-air conned PPC with 'tons of cloth'. Thanks Clare!!! I’m soooo grateful. I found the perfect cloth I was looking for within 15 minutes.
And my teddy bear necklace! I had wanted something more sophisticated, but the bear is so cute I just had to buy it. Earned me lots of compliments that little thing. =)
if you think that's the sweet ending to my prom preparation, think again. I have yet to tell you how torturous practicing putting on make up was. I was working within a tight budget, so forking out another hundred over for make up and hairdo was undesirable. Although I had been doing all my stage and prom makeup myself since secondary school, I am aware that I have been muddling through all these while. Liquid eyeliner was a novelty, and my pencil eyeliner had been banished to a brow pencil. I had lots of palettes of eyeshadows with colours that I have never experimented with. I bought brown eyeshadows for AC Idol but when I applied them my eyes look swollen instead of being flattered to any degree.
So I made a resolution to practice every time I go out. The first few times was disastrous. The Natural EyeTalk thing stuck on to the eyeshadow so the colour looked clumpy and uneven. And it stuck on to the mascara too, leaving behind imprinted eyelash marks on my eyelids. And the mascara smudges after a while, thanks to my oily skin. I could never draw clean lines on my eye line. I didn’t know how to use my eyelash curler such that my right eye lashes won’t look weedy. Making up was agony. I could spend up to 3 hours in front of the mirror each time, and sorry to the guys who waited for me while I arrive late for any meet ups.
I remembered going up the escalator in Taka when Jun Yi said, “oh I just noticed you’ve done something to your...eyelashes.”
And I was too embarrassed to let him look any closer coz I knew I screwed it up. Any mistake could be covered up by opening my eyes wide enough to conceal my eyelids. Haha. Shu hao couldn’t tell the difference. Erm.
But thanks to all the practice and reading up, I had the most fuss-free time making up just before prom. I actually didn’t have to worry about my double eyelid on my right eye for the whole night…that’s a feat. (I have double eyelid on my left eye only so usually I’ll do sth to my right to make it look even) and I am so much better at making up now. Girls, do email me if you want any tips =)
My constant rant to boys: you have no idea how hard it is to be a girl.
Time I took to get ready for prom: 2.5 hours
Time Dan took to get ready for prom: 20 minutes
Nevertheless preparation for prom was fun…there was a common topic, a general sense of purpose for everyone, and much room for creativity (and tenacity too). I remember chatting with Krissandi at length about it, and the exhilaration of finding “the right stuff” at Bugis. And the genuine look of wide-eyed amazement, aye, that is most rewarding, and that is when I know all the pain and trouble had paid off. You know you’ve pulled it off nicely when people you don’t know want to take pictures with you.
Then again, all that glamour, all that beauty...is transient and superficial. When all is stripped away, what’s left would be your soul. Maybe the next time we stay up to 3 am, it would not be to party but be to ask ourselves: what exactly have we got inside?
Oh and special mention -- perhaps the most important person in my entire night -- Daniel Leung!! My dedicated photographer cum boyfriend. Thanks for the wonderful photos and everything else. Haha. My friends are so very impressed. =)
I’ll consolidate the pictures and upload them very soon!
Meanwhile…FLYING BACK TO TAIWAN IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS!!! Woohoo!! I’m so happy =)
And so marked the grand finale of our 2 years in JC.
I still can't believe I spent weeks in preparation just for 3 hours of glamour.
While every one flocked to Daniel Yam and Zara, I decided I’m sick of gowns and dresses and identical hairstyles stamped with Supercuts and Next trademarks, and i am not spending hundred over on a piece of garment that I'll only wear for once. that decision is the start of my agonizing shopping journey. I have to admit that shopping would be a lot less excruciating if I had not been a perfectionist by nature.
I got my white top totally by chance. ying yi was showing me her online shop and I so happened to see it. Back then I had no real intention to wear it for prom yet. I decided to stick with it later to save the hassle. Shoe shopping was the most pain-free as it was done in the comfort of home in front of the computer.
The search for my white pants and white hat almost killed me. I never knew it was so hard to find a pair of fitting white pants. I must have walked the whole raffles city/ city link/ suntec/ wisma/ takashimaya/ paragon/ dhoby gaut to look for it. I even walked into This Fashion in desperation. This one has pockets in front, that has bronze buttons that do not suit the style, this one makes me look fat, that one is the wrong material....grr. Ok I’m just picky. It was extremely depressing at first when I thought none of the white pants look good on me coz it would mean I had wasted my time looking for the wrong stuff and should have better spent my time looking for a dress. I wasn't relieved when I finally found what I was looking for, but it did settle my mind more because I effectively eliminated the option of wearing a gown. When you have far too many choices, you tend to lose your way.
But the search for pants is NOTHING compared to my hunt for hats. I wanted to wear a white French-styled cap (I don't know what it's called), coz it's a much more casual style and I want to be able to wear it out in the future. Trust me, there is NOWHERE in Singapore where they sell white leather French caps. So I had to look for alternatives. I went to every possible shop that sells caps and hats...nothing goes. And one day while walking dejected from shopping in cineleisure I saw this girl wearing a cap in close resemblance to what I was looking for (by then I had given up on the leather idea and would settle for any French cap that is not furry) and I actually stopped her and asked her where she got her cap. (I was that desperate)
"Adorn, a-d-o-r-n, in heerens." she gave me this cool, nonchalant look.
The truth is that I had looked through Adorn the day before without seeing the cap. But just to check, I went back there..And indeed they were out of stock. I bought something that looks like a tone-down version of a cowboy hat in the end, but it suits well too....just that it has low reuse value. Oh well.
I really like the clutch I bought. Whee. I have a feeling kaimin would tell me it's too big and not as elegant as he hopes, but I’m thankful for the big clutch coz in the last minute rush it allowed me to stuff everything inside.
The search for a suitable golden belt is ridiculous, and it even extended to Bugis street. I decided that I had overspent and wanted to make a simple sash belt, but when I went to Spotlight the exact gold cloth I was looking for went out of stock. I remember being cold, sick and upset walking out of Plaza Sing the Nth time, and walking through Little India to yet another fruitless search. None of the cloth I saw was shiny enough. My shins are well toned by then, coz I’ll come home with an aching body almost every day.
After that disappointing search for gold cloth, I fell sick for 2-3 days. And hooray, shed more weight just in time for prom. =___="
Just one day before prom I decided to try my luck at Chinatown on Clarissa's guidance. I spent the first 30 minutes walking in circles in People's Park Complex, seeing nothing that looked gold and is a cloth. I had almost settled for a normal gold belt when Clare pointed out that there is another non-air conned PPC with 'tons of cloth'. Thanks Clare!!! I’m soooo grateful. I found the perfect cloth I was looking for within 15 minutes.
And my teddy bear necklace! I had wanted something more sophisticated, but the bear is so cute I just had to buy it. Earned me lots of compliments that little thing. =)
if you think that's the sweet ending to my prom preparation, think again. I have yet to tell you how torturous practicing putting on make up was. I was working within a tight budget, so forking out another hundred over for make up and hairdo was undesirable. Although I had been doing all my stage and prom makeup myself since secondary school, I am aware that I have been muddling through all these while. Liquid eyeliner was a novelty, and my pencil eyeliner had been banished to a brow pencil. I had lots of palettes of eyeshadows with colours that I have never experimented with. I bought brown eyeshadows for AC Idol but when I applied them my eyes look swollen instead of being flattered to any degree.
So I made a resolution to practice every time I go out. The first few times was disastrous. The Natural EyeTalk thing stuck on to the eyeshadow so the colour looked clumpy and uneven. And it stuck on to the mascara too, leaving behind imprinted eyelash marks on my eyelids. And the mascara smudges after a while, thanks to my oily skin. I could never draw clean lines on my eye line. I didn’t know how to use my eyelash curler such that my right eye lashes won’t look weedy. Making up was agony. I could spend up to 3 hours in front of the mirror each time, and sorry to the guys who waited for me while I arrive late for any meet ups.
I remembered going up the escalator in Taka when Jun Yi said, “oh I just noticed you’ve done something to your...eyelashes.”
And I was too embarrassed to let him look any closer coz I knew I screwed it up. Any mistake could be covered up by opening my eyes wide enough to conceal my eyelids. Haha. Shu hao couldn’t tell the difference. Erm.
But thanks to all the practice and reading up, I had the most fuss-free time making up just before prom. I actually didn’t have to worry about my double eyelid on my right eye for the whole night…that’s a feat. (I have double eyelid on my left eye only so usually I’ll do sth to my right to make it look even) and I am so much better at making up now. Girls, do email me if you want any tips =)
My constant rant to boys: you have no idea how hard it is to be a girl.
Time I took to get ready for prom: 2.5 hours
Time Dan took to get ready for prom: 20 minutes
Nevertheless preparation for prom was fun…there was a common topic, a general sense of purpose for everyone, and much room for creativity (and tenacity too). I remember chatting with Krissandi at length about it, and the exhilaration of finding “the right stuff” at Bugis. And the genuine look of wide-eyed amazement, aye, that is most rewarding, and that is when I know all the pain and trouble had paid off. You know you’ve pulled it off nicely when people you don’t know want to take pictures with you.
Then again, all that glamour, all that beauty...is transient and superficial. When all is stripped away, what’s left would be your soul. Maybe the next time we stay up to 3 am, it would not be to party but be to ask ourselves: what exactly have we got inside?
Oh and special mention -- perhaps the most important person in my entire night -- Daniel Leung!! My dedicated photographer cum boyfriend. Thanks for the wonderful photos and everything else. Haha. My friends are so very impressed. =)
I’ll consolidate the pictures and upload them very soon!
Meanwhile…FLYING BACK TO TAIWAN IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS!!! Woohoo!! I’m so happy =)
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
things took a better turn
Dan came over to my place tonight. i had been crying for hours.
Thank God that we finally sorted things out...=)
now i can study for bio in peace.
Thank God that we finally sorted things out...=)
now i can study for bio in peace.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
amazing guy
ok here's what jun yi sent me to cheer me up. thought i'll share with everyone...
i dunno what his name is, but he's truly awesome!
i dunno what his name is, but he's truly awesome!
Friday, November 17, 2006
dish-washing
why do you have to hurt me like that?
i can't believe after knowing everything about me you could say such things to hurt me.
and that tone....i have never heard you speak to me in that tone.
i guess the love has gone.
i can't believe after knowing everything about me you could say such things to hurt me.
and that tone....i have never heard you speak to me in that tone.
i guess the love has gone.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
technology and beauty
ok guys you gotta check this one out.
no wonder our perception of beauty is distorted.
but still, i'm totally sold on what technology can do.
no wonder our perception of beauty is distorted.
but still, i'm totally sold on what technology can do.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
taiwan and related memories
Taiwan Sun and Moon LakeAlthough i'm a Taiwanese, most of Taiwan remains unexplored to me. i wish i can see this for myself...i wish there is someone who i can explore my home country with.
(for more amazing pictures of Taiwan go to Albert Zhou's album)
i really want to pick up serious photography, but such a camera is way too pricey for me.
can't wait to go back to taiwan...i miss the messy streets of taipei. i miss my messy home. i miss my mum, my cousins, my xiao ah yi, my da jiu, da jiu ma, xiao jiu and xiao jiu ma, da yi ma, xue yuan...i miss sitting in taipeiren cafe in cheng pin bookstore writing my journal. i miss reading those brand new books. i miss the maze-like shopping district near my house. i miss the mass rapid transit and the credit card ads. i miss mos burger, cheng kaishek memorial hall. i miss the food. i miss the cold.
you know i hardly talk about this, about how hard it is to live alone.
that's mainly coz i know that very few people actually understand what it really is like.
i've been living alone for almost four years now.
honestly, i'd very much prefer living alone to living in my aunt's house. so i'm glad that i have got my own space here...
i long for the day when i have enough money to buy myself an apartment, then i can decorate it the way i want it, do things my way and no one else can say a word.
no space i have truly belongs to me.
i guess deep down i seek some sort of security.
hmm. all i can say is that if you think you know me well enough...think again.
Econs paper today. boo.
ok today's econs paper is just horrid. i walked out of the badminton hall with my guts all tangled up.
but as Joel has said, i shall leave it to God.
Thank God for the exam! I thank You in all circumstances.
(well, at least it has inspired me to study really hard for bio.)
but as Joel has said, i shall leave it to God.
Thank God for the exam! I thank You in all circumstances.
(well, at least it has inspired me to study really hard for bio.)
Thursday, November 09, 2006
goodbye, math.
OVER! GP paper 1 and 2
OVER! Bio paper 2
OVER! math paper 1 and 2
MORE TO GO! Econs paper 1, 2 and 3
MORE TO GO! Bio paper 3 and 1
can't believe it! math is actually over!
i think i can probably get an A. (hope hope) but even if i don't i'll thank God anyway.
A sense of nostalgia sweeps over me when i look at my neatly compiled math notes. it's such a waste that this is the end of their useful lifespan. i'm sure they can be put to better use, but i don't think i'll ever do math again.
more to go. more to go.
let's hold our heads and continue in this race. *grrrr*
OVER! Bio paper 2
OVER! math paper 1 and 2
MORE TO GO! Econs paper 1, 2 and 3
MORE TO GO! Bio paper 3 and 1
can't believe it! math is actually over!
i think i can probably get an A. (hope hope) but even if i don't i'll thank God anyway.
A sense of nostalgia sweeps over me when i look at my neatly compiled math notes. it's such a waste that this is the end of their useful lifespan. i'm sure they can be put to better use, but i don't think i'll ever do math again.
more to go. more to go.
let's hold our heads and continue in this race. *grrrr*
Saturday, November 04, 2006
to you. who is out there. (and probably never reads this)
you know you failed me.
not just you, but you, and you and you and you.
maybe it's just me.
but i know you know it. i know you are guilty.
i thought i could trust you, you, you and you.
i thought we were friends. i thought you care beyond the surface.
do you feel bad now?
you. and you.
nothing more than obligations and convenience. i wish i placed my hope somewhere else.
and you.
YOU!
i can't feel secure anymore. how do i trust you?
whatever.
not just you, but you, and you and you and you.
maybe it's just me.
but i know you know it. i know you are guilty.
i thought i could trust you, you, you and you.
i thought we were friends. i thought you care beyond the surface.
do you feel bad now?
you. and you.
nothing more than obligations and convenience. i wish i placed my hope somewhere else.
and you.
YOU!
i can't feel secure anymore. how do i trust you?
whatever.
Monday, October 30, 2006
first attempt at shopping online...and lessons learnt.
my first shopping spree at sgspree: failed.
oh well what happened is that i forgot my ibanking password and didn't make my payments fast enough, and the spree closed before i made my order. i suppose God has a purpose for this, just like he has a purpose for everything. i trust Him (even though it means that i can't get my la senza lingerie)
well it is a time that i should be focusing on Him. i think i hear His calling. well, He promises something better, so i got to trust Him.
not just in the buying of la senza bras and thongs, but in my relationship with Daniel as well.
it's been rocky, and i dunno what's going on now. it's got me down for a while, but i told myself to trust in God and His plans...i know that everything happens not because our God is a sadistic God but for a purpose. and His plans are the best for us. so even if we do break up, now or ever...i will lift my pain to the Lord.
but of course, i hope for the best.
i'm surprised at how much easier it is for me this time. if it's years back i would have cut my wrist or walk into traffic or do something stupid for sure, but God has given me the peace that can be found nowhere else.
2 days to A level.
first paper: GP
oh well what happened is that i forgot my ibanking password and didn't make my payments fast enough, and the spree closed before i made my order. i suppose God has a purpose for this, just like he has a purpose for everything. i trust Him (even though it means that i can't get my la senza lingerie)
well it is a time that i should be focusing on Him. i think i hear His calling. well, He promises something better, so i got to trust Him.
not just in the buying of la senza bras and thongs, but in my relationship with Daniel as well.
it's been rocky, and i dunno what's going on now. it's got me down for a while, but i told myself to trust in God and His plans...i know that everything happens not because our God is a sadistic God but for a purpose. and His plans are the best for us. so even if we do break up, now or ever...i will lift my pain to the Lord.
but of course, i hope for the best.
i'm surprised at how much easier it is for me this time. if it's years back i would have cut my wrist or walk into traffic or do something stupid for sure, but God has given me the peace that can be found nowhere else.
2 days to A level.
first paper: GP
I woke up this morning
I woke up this morning
written Saturday, October 28, 2006 by me.
written Saturday, October 28, 2006 by me.
I woke up this morning thinking oh God I have lost him
I thought of the times he was in this room clearing up my mess
The countless times of arguments gets only worse each time
I'm afraid it's beyond repair somehow
The anger held within us it destroys us
We could have reconciled but somehow the tender words we used to have lost their charm
There was no respite from this
It's not good enough that one of us finally backs down
It's a pain I thought I could get over with
But all distractions from it are transient for it always lingers and haunt me
On the other side of this island I wonder what he is thinking
We're hurting each other, why can't we give it another try
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
Honey you know that I love you and I'm hurt that you're thinking this way
After all that we have done for each other I thought you should have know better
I wish you'd call before it gets worse
Looks like this day will have to pass without you
I woke up this morning thinking I've cried enough yesterday
But God built us in such a way tears come as when they like
Crying is all that I can do at the moment
The helplessness is consuming me now
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